re unarmed； but we discovered that they had left their rifles hidden in waggons not far away and guarded by a hundred and fifty men。 If they really had any such intention； however； it evaporated after they had proceeded to the Government offices to ask what the English were doing in Pretoria and hoisted their flag in the Market Square。 Then they talked a while and went away。 One man； I remember； either on this or another occasion came and stood before the English flag which marked our camp； and shouted； “O Father； O Grandfather； O Great…grandfather； rise from the dead and drive away those red…handed wretches who have e to take our land from us； the land which we took from the Swartzels （black creatures）！”
Then he made a somewhat feeble rush for the said flag； but was collared by his friends and taken off； still apostrophising his ancestors。 It all sounds very mock…heroic and absurd； and yet I repeat that there was much to justify this attitude of the Boers。 After all they had taken the land and lived there nearly forty years； and the British Government had more or less guaranteed their independence。 Of course circumstances alter cases； and； as they could not govern themselves and were about to plunge South Africa into a bloody war； our intervention was necessary； but this the more ignorant of them could scarcely be expected to understand； at any rate at first。
Many threats were uttered against us。 Says Sir Theophilus Shepstone in one of his despatches of that day to Lord Carnarvon： “Every effort had been made during the previous fortnight by； it is said； educated Hollanders who had but lately arrived in the country； to rouse the fanaticism of the Boers and to induce them to offer ‘bloody’ resistance to what it was known I intended to do。 The Boers were appealed to in the most inflammatory language by printed manifestos and memorials 。 。 。 it was urged that I had but a small escort which could easily be overpowered。”
Indeed there is no doubt that at times during these months we went in considerable risk。 I will not set down all the stories that came to our ears； of how we were to be waylaid and shot on this occasion or on that； but an incident that I remember shows me that Shepstone at any rate thought there was something in them。 One night I and another member of the staff — I think it was Mor — were at work late； copying despatches in a room of the building which afterwards became Government House。 This room had large windows opening on to a verandah； and over these we had not drawn the curtains。 Sir Theophilus came in and scolded us； saying that we ought to remember that we made a very easy target against that lighted background。 Then he drew the curtains with his own hand。
The Volksraad met and discussed all kinds of matters； but nothing came of their labours； except the appointment of a mission to examine into the state of the country and confer with H。M。‘s Special missioner。 I attended some of their debates and remember the scene well。 They were held in a long； low room down the centre of which stood a deal table。 Round this table sat some thirty members； most of them Boers。 At the head of the room sat the Chairman at a little raised desk； by the side of which stood a chair for the use of the President of the State when he visited the Volksraad。 Among the members was Paul Kruger； then a middle…aged man with a stern； thick face and a squat figure。 At one of these sittings I obtained his autograph； a curious piece of calligraphy which I am sorry to say I have lost。 We saw a good deal of “Oom Paul” in those days； for on several occasions he visited the Special missioner。 Generally I showed him in and out； and I recollect that the man impressed me more than did any of the other Boers。
In after days I knew that Volksraad Zaal well enough； for when I became Master and Registrar of the High Court I used to sit in it just beneath the judge。
Doubtless I wrote a good many letters home at this time； but I imagine that they were destroyed either on receipt or perhaps after my mother’s death。 Four or five of them； however； my father preserved； apparently because they refer to money matters。 A little while ago my brother William8 found them when rummaging through papers at Bradenham； and kindly sent them to me。 I have just re…read them for the first time； and； as a full generation has gone by since they were written； I find the experience strange and in a sense sad。 The intervening years seem to fall away； the past arises real and vivid； and I see myself a slim； quick…faced young fellow seated in that room at Pretoria inditing these epistles which I had so long forgotten。 They are written in a much better hand than I can boast today； every word being clear and every letter well formed； which doubtless was a result of my despatch e extracts。
8 Sir Rider’s eldest brother； the late Sir W。 H。 D。 Haggard； K。C。M。G。； at that time Minister at Rio。 — Ed。
Pretoria； S。A。R。： March 13； 1877。
My dear Father； — Since my last letter matters have been rapidly advancing and drawing to a close。 The Raad； after making a last move at once futile and foolish； has prorogued itself and left matters to take their course。 Things are also looking much more peaceable； and I do not think that there will be any armed resistance。 At one time an outbreak seemed imminent； in which case we should have run a very fair chance of being potted on our own stoep。 。 。 。 I spoke a day or two ago to the Chief as to my taking home the despatches； and he told me that he could not send me as the bearer of the despatches； 1st： because it was no longer done except through foreign territories； 2nd： because I might be delayed on the road by sickness or accidents； and that in performing a long journey of the sort a mail…bag had a better chance of getting safely and swiftly to its destination than a messenger。 “But；” he said； “I will send you with the despatches and with credentials to the Colonial authorities； empowering you to give such information as my despatches do not and cannot contain； which is a great deal” （Sir T。 is not a voluminous writer）； “and in this way you will be a living despatch。”
This is perhaps not quite so good as taking the actual letters； since I shall not get my expenses； but as far as regards other things it will answer my purpose equally well。 It will be something to my name in case I wish or am obliged at any future time to avail myself of it。 Besides it is indirectly a great pliment to myself。 Any young fellow can carry despatches； but it is not for everybody of my age and short experience who would be trusted to give private information on so important a subject as the unexpected annexation of a splendid territory as large as Great Britain； information which may very probably be made use of in Parliament。 Since I have been here I have done my best to study the question and to keep myself informed as to every detail； and I get my reward in this manner 。 。 。 。
I think that I shall e home via the Cape。 It will be a stiff journey； 1200 miles in a post…cart； but it will be a thing to have done； and I want if possible to get to London at the same time as despatches announcing the Annexation。 When the Proclamation will go I cannot say； but I think it will be in the course of the next fortnight。 We received news to…night that the troops and guns are on the way to Newcastle。 I shall start by mail following the issue of the Proclamation。
We are going on as usual here working in the dark （we are beginning to emerge now） and waiting the result。 It has been an anxious business； but I think that we are all right now。
I had rather that my letters were not shown； as we do not quite know what line the Home Government is going to take； and I have spoken pretty plainly。 ＇All these letters to which I refer here are missing。 — H。 R。 H。＇
It was after my return from Secocoeni’s and； I think； within a day or two of the Proclamation being issued； that I received that harsh epistle from my father of which I have written earlier in this book； that； as I have said； caused me at the last moment not to start for England。 It was a very foolish act on my part； as the reader who studies the facts will see。 I should have remembered that when he wrote his letter my father could not have known that I was ing home in this important position； namely to give viva…voce information to Lord Carnarvon as to all the circumstances connected with the Annexation。 Nor； although I have little doubt that my mother and my sister Mary； now Baroness A。 d’Ahan； were privy to the secret and private reasons for my journey； to which I have also already alluded； was he perhaps aware of them。 However； so I acted in my hurt pride and anger； and there the thing remains。 I may say in excuse of this want of judgment that I was very young； only twenty； and that I had to make up my mind on the spot while； as the Zulus say； “my heart was cut in two。”
Moreover I repeat my belief that the finger of Fate was at work in the matter； how and why perhaps we should have to go back； or forward； ages or aeons to explain。 Years ago I came to the conclusion that our individual lives and the accidents which influence them are not the petty things they seem to be； but rather a part of some great scheme whereof we know neither the beginning nor the end。 The threads of our destinies； in black or in scarlet or in sombre grey； appear and disappear before our mortal eyes； but who can figure out the tapestry that they help to weave？ That picture lies beyond our ken or even our imagining。
The insect sees more than the worm； the snake more than the insect； the dog more than the snake； and the man； erect in his pride； more than all of them。 But how much does the man see of the whole great universe； or even of this little earth？
To the best of my belief I answered my father’s letter； which I think I destroyed upon the spot； very briefly； saying that I had abandoned my idea of ing home。 Apparently this letter was not preserved。 One remains； however； which appears to allude to the subject； and from it I quote some extracts。
Government House；
Pretoria； Transvaal： June 1； 1877。
My dear Father； — I have to acknowledge your two letters dated respectively 27th March and the 4th April。 I do not think that it will be of a