horse from memory asked again。
“The meaning of color is that it is there before us and we see it；” said the
other。 “Red cannot be explained to he who cannot see。”
“To deny God’s existence； victims of Satan maintain that God is not visible
to us；” said the blind miniaturist who’d rendered the horse。
“Yet； He appears to those who can see；” said the other master。 “It is for this
reason that the Koran states that the blind and the seeing are not equal。”
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The handsome apprentice ever so delicately dabbed me onto the horse’s
saddle cloth。 What a wonderful sensation to fix my fullness； power and vigor
to the black and white of a well…executed illustration： as the cat…hair brush
spreads me onto the waiting page； I bee delightfully ticklish。 Thereby； as I
bring my color to the page； it’s as if I mand the world to “Be！” Yes； those
who cannot see would deny it； but the truth is I can be found everywhere。
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I； SHEKURE
Before the children awoke； I wrote Black a brief note telling him to hurry to
the house of the Hanged Jew and pressed it into Hayriye’s hand so that she
might rush to Esther。 As Hayriye took the letter； she looked into my eyes with
more fearlessness than usual despite worrying what was to bee of us； and
I； who no longer had a father to fear； returned her glare with newfound
temerity。 This exchange would determine the tone of our relationship in the
future。 Over the last two years； I suspected Hayriye might even have a child by
my father； and forgetting her status as slave； maneuver to bee lady of the
house。 I visited my unfortunate father； respectfully kissing his now stiffened
hand； which； oddly； hadn’t lost its softness。 I hid my father’s shoes； quilted
turban and purple cloak； then explained to the children once they awoke that
their grandfather had gotten better and had left for the Mustafa Pasha district
early in the morning。
Hayriye returned from her morning errand。 As she was laying out the low
table for breakfast； and I was placing a portion of orange jam in the middle of
it； I imagined how Esther was now calling at Black’s door。 The snow had
stopped and the sun had begun to shine。
In the garden of the Hanged Jew； I encountered a familiar scene。 The icicles
hanging from the eaves and window casings were quickly shrinking； and the
garden that smelled of mold and rotting leaves was eagerly absorbing the sun。 I
found Black waiting in the spot where I’d first seen him last night—it seemed
so long ago； as if weeks had passed。 I raised my veil and said：
“You can be glad； if you feel the urge。 My father’s objections and doubts
will not e between us anymore。 While you were craftily trying to lay your
hands on me here last night； a devil…of…a…man broke into our empty house and
murdered my father。”
Rather than wondering about Black’s reaction； you’re probably puzzling
over why I spoke so coldly and somewhat insincerely。 I don’t quite know the
answer myself。 Maybe I thought I’d cry otherwise； provoking Black to embrace
me； and I’d bee intimate with him sooner than I wanted。
“He destroyed our home with a thoroughness that clearly reveals anger and
hatred。 I don’t think his work is done either； I don’t expect this devil will
calmly retire to some corner now。 He stole the final picture。 I’m calling on you
to protect me—protect us—and keep my father’s book from him。 Now tell
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me； under what arrangement and conditions will you see to our safety？ This is
what we have to resolve。”
He made an overture to speak； but I easily silenced him with a look—as
though this were something I’d done countless times before。
“In the eyes of the judge； it is my husband and his family who succeed my
father as my guardians。 This was the case even before his death； for according
to the judge my husband is still alive。 It was only because Hasan tried to take
advantage of me during his older brother’s absence； a failed assault that
embarrassed my father…in…law； that I was allowed to return to my father’s
home though not officially a widow。 But now that my father is dead and I am
without even a brother； there is no question that my only possible guardians
are my husband’s brother and my father…in…law。 They’ve already been
scheming to have me returned to their home； coercing my father； and
threatening me。 Once they hear my father is dead； they won’t hesitate to take
official action。 My only hope to prevent this is to conceal my father’s death。
Perhaps in vain； for they may be the ones behind the crime。”
At that very moment； a thin beam of light gracefully filtered through the
broken shutters and fell between Black and me； illuminating the ancient dust
inside the room。
“This isn’t the only reason I’m hiding my father’s death；” I said； fixing my
gaze into Black’s eyes； in which I was gladdened to see attentiveness more than
love。 “I’m also afraid of being unable to prove my whereabouts at the time of
my father’s murder。 Though she’s a slave and her word might be discounted；
I’m afraid that Hayriye is involved in these machinations； if not against me；
then against my father’s book。 And as long as I remain without a protector；
the announcement of my father’s murder； while initially simplifying matters
at home； might well； solely for the reasons I’ve enumerated； cause me great
misfortune at her hand； for instance； what if Hayriye is aware that my father
didn’t want me to marry you？”
“Your father didn’t want you to marry me？” asked Black。
“No； he didn’t； he was worried that you’d take me away from him。 Since
there’s no longer any danger of you doing such evil to him； let’s assume my
dear unfortunate father has no further objection。 Do you have any？”
“None at all； my darling。”
“Fine； then。 My guardian has no claims of money or gold on you。 Please
excuse the impropriety of my discussing marital circumstances on my own
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behalf； but I have certain prerequisites that I must； unfortunately； explain to
you。”
As I fell silent for a while； Black said； “Yes；” in a manner that suggested an
apology for his hesitation。
“First；” I began； “you must swear before two witnesses that if you behave
badly toward me in our marriage； to a degree that I find unbearable； or if you
take a second wife； you will grant me a divorce with alimony。 Second； you
must swear before two witnesses that if for whatever reason you are absent
from the house for more than a six…month period without a visit； I will also be
granted a divorce with alimony。 Third； after we are married； you will of course
move into my home； however； until the villain who has murdered my father
has been caught or until you find him—how I’d love to torture him myself！—
and until Our Sultan’s book； pleted under the guidance of your talents
and efforts； has been honorably presented to Him； you will not share my bed。
Fourth； you will love my sons； who do share my bed with me； as if they were
your own children。”
“I agree。”
“Good。 If all of the obstacles that still lie before us disappear this quickly；
we’ll soon be wed。”
“Yes； wed； but not in the same bed。”
“The first step is marriage；” I said。 “Let’s see to that first。 Love es after
marriage。 Don’t forget： Marriage douses love’s flame； leaving nothing but a
barren and melancholy blackness。 Of course； after marriage； love itself will
vanish anyway； but happiness fills the void。 Still； there are those hasty fools
who fall in love before marrying and； burning with emotion； exhaust all their
feeling； believing love to be the highest goal in life。”
“What； then； is the truth of the matter？”
“The truth is contentment。 Love and marriage are but a means to obtaining
it： a husband； a house； children； a book。 Can’t you see that even in my state；
with a missing husband and a deceased father； I’m better off than you in your
isolation？ I’d die without my sons； with whom I spend my days laughing；
tussling and loving。 Moreover； since you long for me even in my present
predicament； since you secretly ache to spend the night with me—even if not
in the same bed—under the same roof with my father’s body and my unruly
children； you’re pelled to listen with all your heart to what I now have to
say。”
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“I’m listening。”
“There are various ways that I might secure a divorce。 False witnesses could
swear that before my husband set out on campaign； they witnessed him grant
me a conditional divorce； for example； that he’d pledged that if he didn’t
return within two years； I should be considered free。 Or； more simply； they
might swear they’d seen my husband’s corpse in the field of battle； citing
various convincing and descriptive details。 But taking my father’s body and
the objections of my in…laws into consideration； to rely on false witnesses
would be an unsound way to proceed； as no judge of any intelligence or
caution would be persuaded。 Considering that my husband left me without
alimony and hasn’t returned from war for four years； even judges of our
Hanefi creed couldn’t grant me a divorce。 The üsküdar judge； however；
knowing how the number of women in my situation is increasing each day； is
more sympathetic and so—with a nod from Our Excellency the Sultan and the
Sheikhulislam—the judge occasionally allows his proxy of the Shafü creed to
rule in his place； thereby granting divorces left and right to women like me；
including conditions of alimony。 Now； if you can find two witnesses to testify
openly to my predicament； pay them off； cross the Bosphorus with them to
the üsküdar side； arrange